One and Done (Part the First)

My husband and I have one daughter, Amy, who will be 3 at the end of the summer. We are well into the time period now when people keep asking us when we plan on adding to our family. Quite simply, we don't and people do not seem inclined to accept that answer.

I don't really feel the need (or have the time) to explain all of my reasons to them, but I will explain them to you.

I had a rough time of it. I had two miscarriages (one natural, one missed (D&C)) before we finally conceived. I spent the next twenty-odd weeks puking my guts out. I lost over 25 pounds and only narrowly missed being hospitalized for dehydration. I was pregnant in the winter, and going outside in the cold seemed to aggravate my "morning sickness." The moment I stepped outside, I would vomit. I imagine my neighbors became accustomed to seeing me hunched over my front lawn every morning, and then frantically kicking snow over the mess before I left for work. My car made me claustrophobic and I had to drive my sister's mini-van, which had sketchy heat. Zofran, being a chemo drug, was not covered by my insurance for use during pregnancy, and we couldn't afford to pay for it out of pocket. I couldn't eat; I rarely drank. I suffered.

I felt like such an asshole. I was miserable and complaining and so many people were telling me nonsense about ginger and soda crackers and I just wanted to punch them all in the face. I just didn't want to be pregnant anymore and I felt so guilty about that because we wanted her so damn badly.

We went in April for the big ultrasound and found out we were having a girl and magically, the morning sickness tapered off. It was bliss. For two short weeks.

I started having sharp pains in my side. It was almost unbearable. I changed chairs three times at work. I adjusted the lumbar support in my car and even bought one of those lumbar pillows for sitting on the couch, but could find no relief. I called my OB and they said it was the baby pressing up against my ribcage and I should deal with it. I was only 5 months pregnant, there was no way she was that big. I consulted my old friend Dr. Google and diagnosed myself with shingles. It is the first time in the history of the Internet that I actually had the random ailment Dr. Google indicated for my symptoms. But alas, I couldn't take the anti-virals or the pain meds due to my pregnancy and suffered for another eight weeks.

Wow! I sound like a whiny baby. Could it possibly get any worse?

HELLO! MY NAME IS

So, hi! I am kinda new to blogging. I had a blog for a while, but I stopped posting since the only people reading it were my sister and my husband. So I couldn't say anything about either of them, and I really didn't have anything else to say.

I thought by blogging I would feel that I was a part of something. I love reading blogs, I love the tiny glimpses into people's real lives. It makes me fell like maybe I'm not a terrible mother, terrible wife, terrible sister, terrible daughter, terrible worker, terrible manager, etc...

I plan on keeping this blog the biggest of big secrets, so hopefully I can be totally candid here. I feel like I have a lot to say, and maybe if I say it, I won't be such a neurotic mess. We'll see.

I just found out I didn't know how to spell 8th

It was kind of sad. I am still not 100% sure this is right.